Ouch

I've had a sore throat since Saturday that I just can't seem to shake. It started as one of the normal signs of a cold. But all other signs have quickly died away except for the throat. Nothing else seems to be wrong and it only hurts in the morning, a little off and on during the day, and a little while before bed. It's getting quite annoying. I really don't want to go into the doc for it right now because we don't get our insurance until Feb. 6, which isn't that far away. I don't feel bad anymore in any other way. I am more tired lately, but that's usual for me around this time of month. Guess I'll just keep an eye on it. I think it's probably mostly due to allergy drainage, but I hate sore throats more than almost anything else.

Before and After

I've been wanting to do this post for a while, but keep forgetting. Happenings of yesterday made me remember.

Yesterday - I was up at Walmart picking up a few groceries. As I was heading to the check out I got a sharp pain in my head. Best way for me to describe the location is it was where your head starts to curve from the back to the top. That is not near the location my tumor was removed. The tumor was in the area of my head where it curves from the back to the bottom right before your neck. What got me worried is it gave me an instant headache that was different from any headaches I normally get (I don't get headaches very often, not even when I had the tumor). It also made me get dizzy when I was checking the parking lot as I was backing out. I haven't had a dizzy spell like that in a long time now. Once I got home my neck felt stiff and sore and I started to get tired and weak. All this was bothersome so I called my neurosurgeon's office and left a message for the PA to call me back. She did, and she felt it probably wasn't really anything to worry about right now, and to just keep an eye on it. After thinking and talking with my mom about it, we think we figured out what it was. The weakness clued us in. Yesterday I had a sugary bowl of cereal for breakfast, something I haven't had in a while. And from past experiences, we know sometimes I don't handle that well. And I did remember that I had gotten hungry for lunch much earlier than normal. So I probably had a sugar rush that may have given me a mild but sudden migraine.

What was most upsetting is when the PA called, I discovered she was a new PA, and a good portion of the staff that was working for my doctor this summer is no longer there. This was still a very nice and caring person, but I liked having it where when I called, they knew who I was right away and were very personal with me.

Something else that had been bothering me is the back of my head where the surgery was performed. Right now I have a lot of pain and sensitivity in the back of my head due to all the fusing of the nerves back together. I was told this could last a long time (brushing my hair is quite painful). One of the things I was told to do to help reteach the nerves what feelings are OK is to rub and pat it back there. I've been doing this and have noticed that the bone feels odd back there. I finally remember to ask Larry to check it for me. He said it's OK. It's just where to bone was put back in and it's just different now due to the way he had to replace it.

Anyway I've been wanting to post these comparison pictures for quite a while of before and after the surgery. I just with I had some high school pictures loaded on here so you could see the before before pictures. The ones before the tumor effected me.

• This picture was taken on vacation a little over 4 months before the surgery. You notice my head is greatly tilted. This is due to the tumor. This would happen in almost every picture I took since spring of 2001. To me it felt like I was looking straight at the camera. If someone would turn my head towards the camera properly (like when we would take family pictures), if felt like the whole world was spinning.

• This picture was taken after Larry's work Christmas party a little over 4 months after the surgery. This is the first picture I took after the surgery where I noticed I'm looking straight at the camera without someone telling me how to hold my head.

These pictures bring me great joy because it really shows the difference my surgery has made and how important it really was to have and how God is so wonderful and has taken care of a problem that was really bothersome and embarrassing to me and one I thought I would live with my whole life.

Another rejoice. A couple weeks ago I had a first in a number of years. I walked up and down some stairs without holding on to a rail or some one's hand. I really have a new appreciation for children learning to walk. ;)

Wanted to share this more for myself than anyone else, but I hope you find it interesting and it that I am able to show more of God's glory and greatness through my experience. Have a wonderful day!!

P.S.

This is how I found Flash this morning. Too funny!!

woowoo

Today I have the attention span of a...see it's so short I can't even focus long enough to think of what animal/object I have an attention span like.

So I was going to jump on the ban wagon and write a blog about our family beliefs on Santa, but I can't focus on that today.

Also I was going to post a picture of the tree in our front yard, but I keep forgetting to load it on the computer. So hopefully I can do that tomorrow. It is a gorgeous flaming red and orange color. Living in the city most of my life, I haven't gotten to enjoy many trees with the colors of fall. It's also a fairly rare sight in Texas. By the time you notice any with such gorgeous colors, they only last about two days before all the leaves fall off. These colors are the reason fall is my favorite time of year. They are so short in lasting, they are a true treat.

OK so the attention pan is going I should go.

Uck

Yesterday I just felt really bad. It was one of those things where your stomach feels a little ick, your head is in a little pain, and your body is a little achey. Had I had just one I probably could have gotten through the day fairly normally. But with all three I just felt aweful!!! So I spent the day just resting. Which now leaves me a huge pile to do today. I'm not 100%, but I will deal with it today. One day sick for a mom is more than a mom normal can squeeze. And since Larry was feeling uck by after lunch himself, I didn't get the whole day. The worst part of it was Larry had won free concert tickets for last night almost 2 months ago, and neither one of us was up for going. We ended up finally finding someone to give them to at about 7pm last night (concert started at 7:30). So I know they missed the opening band, but we hated having them wasted even if they were free.
Now I am stressing about Thanksgiving. It's next week and I don't know what's happening. We wanted to have it at our house this year, but it doesn't look like most of our family can make it, so we need to quickly decide if we are going to go to family's for the holiday or have a small one with just the 4 of us here. And I need to know like yesterday so I can know if I need to shop or not. aaahhhh!!!

In the Mood

Especially with the weather going back to warm so much right now, it's hard for me to grasp that it's almost Thanksgiving and Christmas.
For the past couple years Larry has been on call for Thanksgiving, so the girls have spent the holiday with their mom so they could be with more family. This actually let Larry and I have a holiday where we felt a little like newly weds without children. We enjoyed fixing a meal for two that could actually feed 12. We'd cook a fairly small turkey, a ham, and all the sides. This year he will not be on call since his new job is with a high rise aparment that is being built from one of the older business buildings in downtown Dallas, and no one will be living there until next March or May. And with now finally having a house, we are inviting his family over for Thanksgiving here. So I am looking forward to that.
The thing is I'm just not really getting anywhere near a Christmas mood. I'm looking forward to the music and cold weather and pretty lights, but that's it. With the new house I was hoping to get excited. But like it has the past few years, something has happened so close to Christmas time to really dampen the good, and uplifting mood. Christmas is usually a time I really enjoy, but not lately. And that's something that upsets me more. With the girls going to be at their mom's for Christmas this year, I don't have the excitement of watching them Christmas morning. (I had my very first Christmas morning with them 3 years ago. Larry and I were so excited we woke up before them and started throwing things towards their door to try and wake them up. :) )
So if anyone has some inexpensive and/or free ideas of things I could do to get in the mood, you'd really be helping me loose that "bah humbug mood"!

I was spoiled!!

With everything happening, I never got to post about my afternoon with my friend on Oct. 30 that I mentioned.
Being the wonderful, best friend that she is, she turned it into a surprise birthday lunch.
She called me on my way there to let me know she got to the resturant early and was going to run a couple errands close by so she might be a couple minutes late. I did get there before her, but since it was so early there was no need for me to go in and get us a table where I would have to worry about missing her come in. So I just sat in my car and read my magazine.
She surprised me at my door shortly with presents! I was only expecting to hang out for lunch. Her "errands" had been stopping at one of the stores we shop at frequently to get me a shirt I really wanted. I had seen it on a maniquine, but could never find it anywhere in my size to purchase. She also gave me this adorable, unquie charm necklace with my first charm a friendship charm.
We then went in and enjoyed a fabulous lunch topped off with her treating us to their new peanut butter fudge deserts that came in these adorable mini peanut buckets. They were like cold reeses peanut butter cups (one of my favorite treats) in a bucket. I'll definately be returning soon for another one of those!!
We finished with a great deal of time left before either of us had to get back to our kids, and since we were close to the mall we decided to go look around for a bit.
We were walking through Dillard's near the makeup counters when she commented she'd never gone to one of the sales clerks and let them do a make over on her. She thought it would be nice to let someone else pamper her. So we stopped and let her get a little pampering while they did their best to sell her a fortune in products.
I don't think the sales clerks liked having me there though. They kept putting various colors on her that just didn't look good. Looking at how they wore their makeup and how they put it on her, I think these woman were ones use to working with younger girls who think more is better. There was no way I was going to let them put anything on my friend that took away from her natural beauty or that would have her uncomfortable, so I spoke up quite often. Kristi agreed with me, but being the one they were holding the brushes up to her face, she wasn't saying much. In the past, I was always a person who just stood back quietly and agreed with everyone else. But my husband has taught me to stand up for myself, so I am now able to do this and I do it for those I care for too. There is no walking over me anymore!!! So I voiced my opinion no matter if I thought the sales clerk liked what I said or not. It's my friend's face!!!
I was also having a problem with the other sales clerks. It was during a time of day where they only had a couple of customers, so the clerks were bored. One girl kept coming over to the one helping us and would just start talking to her about what was on her mind, not allowing our sales clerk to help us.
When my husband got home that evening, I kept telling him over and over how much fun we had and what all we did and happened. I told him how nice it was and how good it was to have someone other than him treat me so kindly and really spoil me. He said he was pleased too that I had such a great friend who treated me so great.
So thank you Kristi for your kindness and for your wonderful friendship!!! You mean worlds to me!!!

Suggestions for getting out of a rut greatly appreciated

This morning I am getting ready to have lunch with a very close friend at one of our old hang outs from back before either of us was married with kids. It's just a simple steakhouse that we could actually take our family to, and I have been there a couple times with my husband. But it's just a tradition for the two of us to go on our own. There were many meals shared their by two single girls admiring the cute waiters and talking about personal (aka private) girly things.
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So in honor of this I am spending a little extra time doing my hair and makeup. Doing this has brought up a thought that I think about often, but never do anything about.
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I have never been one to keep my looks of great importance. I have never had high self esteem when it came to my looks, so I never put much effort into it unless I was doing something special. Now with being a stay at home mom, I have fallen into this even more. I can't seem to justify doing my hair and makeup to basically stay home or just for running to Walmart/Target or the library. I then end up not doing much for going anywhere and often feel inadequate compaired to the other women out and about. When I do choose to fix myself up some, my husband comments on it. His heart is in the right place because he says he prefers me without the makeup. I don't over do it, and never have the desire to put on much. But I do think a little helps to brighten my face (lets face it, I don't have that perfect, even complexion from youth). But when I hear these comments, I feel like I'm trying to put on a show and shouldn't do that. Which has me falling back into my norm. I think this also leads to me not putting in the effort I need to to get back in shape and have to body shape I desire. I just can't get inspired to get into the routine.
*
So my question is for my stay at home mom readers. What are your thoughts? What do you do? Do any of you have this same problem or feel the same way? Do you have any suggestions on what I can do or another way to look at things? Suggestions are greatly appreciated!

Early and Late

Well, Friday felt like an early mini-Thanksgiving for me. Cooking wise anyway. Larry had been having some tooth pain as of late, so on Thurs he went in to the dentist. They ended up doing a partial deep cleaning and pulled two of his three remaining wisdom teeth. He was at the office for 7 hrs, and in the chair for 5 hrs!! With one of the teeth came some bone!! Just the idea of that makes my mouth cower in fear!! He called me when he got out trying to speak, but his meds had him soooo out of it. I told him I could come get him, but even on so much pain killers he was thinking of my safety and said that I would have to drive through a not so safe area to get there so he would meet me at his work and I could pick him up there (thankfully it was very close to his job). I hurried out to the van to take off to face the horrible trek throw Dallas' rush hour traffic. But Larry's fabulous property manager called to tell me not to come. She lives fairly close and she would drive him this way and we could just meet at the Costco about 5 miles from the house. I couldn't thank her enough, this gave me the chance to run to Target and pick up his prescriptions and some food I thought he could eat (or should I say just swallow). So that night he wasn't able to fall asleep till about 8am Friday morning. I called his work to let them know he'd would go ahead and stay home. When he did wake up, poor thing had chills and body aches along with all the pain in his mouth. So after the call I ran to the store to get some things to cook for him. I ended up getting a rotisserie chicken from the deli, and cooked stuffing, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin bread (I'd been craving that for the past couple of weeks).
And now for the late part...I tried to be good and get a jump on Holly's Vampire costume this year. She decided her sister's witch dress from last year would work and all she needed was a cape. So a few weeks ago we went up to Joann's and I let her pick out some fabric for it (a bright red satin like fabric with skull and bones covering it). So that was the good jump right on it and get it done part of me. The not so fabulous procrastinator took over after that, and now I'm just now sitting down to sew it. Biggest problem is the fabric is so slippery, I can't get it to stay still while I try to iron it to sew the hem much less anything else. So I think I will give up trying to sew it neatly and will just cut it into the shape we need. Hopefully it will still look ok. I don't think it will unravel, the fabric seems to be a fairly good one for resisting that.

28

Hard to believe as of 5:30 this morning that is my age. This is one age that really hit me as older. 25 didn't do it for me, 26 did and now so is this one.
This birthday is a lot more special to me with all that has happened. Even though my day is busy with normal errands, it still is a huge mile stone. I think every one will be from now on. Since I now know how close I was to not having anymore. If the tumor had bled out much more before they caught it, I wouldn't be around. And as I look at my daughters and continue to yearn for a child that I get the chance to carry and not have in the middle of all the fights that go on with the girls mom, the idea of not being here is one I'm more than thankful that I don't have to face, at least not due to a tumor.
Anyway...most of my celebrating was this weekend. Haylee is currently living with their mother (she is expect her 5th child and Haylee wants to be a part of it), so she was down this weekend. We did various family things. What was the most fun is they were family things I picked for us to do. Nothing real big, just hung out in some places we use to go to a lot but haven't gotten to with the last couple of moves. And just really enjoyed each other's company.
This afternoon when Holly gets home from school, we are going to run up to Michael's to get a couple birthday gifts I planned to buy myself ;) and some stuff to decorate my cake. Then we'll come home and bake.
I'm off now to go get my glasses fixed (my latest prescription has some glare problems that need to be buffed out).
Hope you all enjoy your day and to anyone stopping in to read...God Bless!

Time to get back to it!

Things are getting busy at school for Holly, but I am trying to settle back into a routine now that all I have to do as a result of the surgery is some PT. And I need to make my blogging one of them and not just stop and read other ones.

My hair is growing back so quickly from the surgery. It will be 3 months on the 25th, and I already have over an inch grown in!! My hair normally never grows this fast.

My scar is also starting to smooth out more. It's not something that bothers me though. You can't tell it goes up to almost the top of my head. You only see what's on my neck, and all of it is easily hidden by the rest of my hair. I think of it as more of a badge of honor. It shows what a miracle God has given me, and it is a sign that I will live a longer, fuller life. It wasn't cancerous, but it was bleeding out in the past. When he got in there he discovered it had bled more than what he could see in the MRI/MRA and angiagram. More proof it was a good thing it came out.
The surgery really has changed my view of life. Larry and I have both learned to worry a LOT less, and as a reward God is taking even better care of us.

• He gave us this wonderful house a week after the surgery.


• He had the tumor found while we had insurance that is paying for all but $100 of the over $200,000 it cost for the surgery, hospital stay and tests.


• Shortly after we moved we found out the company Larry works for is moving out of Texas within the next few months, and the property that Larry works at is going up for sale 12/1. Well we haven't really started heavily on the job hunting, but he already has an offer he is taking that is better than the job he is at now (and we didn't think it was possible for him to get a better one without already being with a company for at least a year)

So it's just all proof of the wonderful miracles God has performed since we are finally learning to let Him do the hard stuff!

This is a week after the surgery right after they took the first set of stitches out (my neck didn't heal well, so they had to go in and close it again a week after they took them out.)

This one is about a month and a half after the surgery, so it's a little old, but it gives you an idea of how quickly it is healing. I'll get Larry to take an updated one soon.

All of this has made me much more aware of brain cancer. I obviously didn't have it, but this was all still a huge scare and makes me want to be more aware of it and finding a cure for it. And I want others to be more aware of it.

October is Breast cancer awareness month (another one that is close to my heart). And we all know that pink is the color that represents that. But do you know the color for brain cancer awareness? Grey. I encourage anyone reading to please join me in learning and supporting the search for a cure for brain cancer too!

So to anyone stopping in to read...God Bless!

absence

I know it's been a while, so I will just write a quick note to explain my absence. I will go into more detail later.
Early July-found brain tumor in left cerebellum.
End of July- had it removed
Week after surgery- closed and moved to a house....YEA!!!
Was without internet for a long time, and have spent the last couple weeks trying to catch up on things.
That's it in a nutshell!!
So to anyone stopping in to read...God Bless!!

ABC's of Me

I know I already posted today, but I just found this on another random blog and thought it was cute. Wanted to do one of my own.

1. A is for age: 27
2. B is for beer of choice: none...not a fan of beer
3. C is for career right now: MOM and WIFE
4. D is for your dog's name: Ruby, Oreo, and even if he's not living with our family-Bruiser
5. E is for essential item you use everyday:Bath Sponge
6. F is for favorite TV show at the moment: Gilmore Girls
7. G is for favorite game: Late night Scrabble with Larry
8. H is for Home town: Born in Mt. Pleasant, grew up in Ft. Worth
9. I is for instruments you play: Clarinet, a little Sax, a little Piano, and soon the Electric Guitar
10. J is for favorite juice: Cran-Grape
11. K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: Let's not go there
12. L is for last place you ate: Home-leftover pizza from last night's dinner
13. M is for marriage: Fabulous! Will be 4 years next month!
14. N is for your full name: Toby Annette
15. O is for overnight hospital stays: Probably after I was born. Other than that-none *knock on wood!*
16. P is for people you were with today: So far, Larry and the girls
17. Q is for quote: "God is good."
18. R is for Biggest Regret: Thankfully don't have one yet. Or at least can't think of one right now.
19. S is for status: Married to the fabulous and handsome Larry!
20. T is for time you woke up today: woke up: 6:01 got up: 6:37
21. U is for underwear you have on now: Blue Fruit-of-the-loom Boy shorts
22. V is for vegetable you love: Right now it's the sauteed green beans at Great Wall Chinese Restaurant
23. W is for worst habit: procrastination
24. X is for x-rays you've had: most recent-about 3 years ago when I cracked my other ankle, but I've had many many through out my life!
25. Y is for yummy food you ate today: That is still to come, girls go to their mom's today, so that means Larry will take me out to dinner when I get back!!
26. Z is for Zodiac sign: Scorpio

My Funny Quirks

Today as I was in search of my hair brush, the location of it made me think of my somewhat funny quirks.

I found my brush in my magazine/activity bag. When I was a child, my family did their best to go on a road trip vacation every summer. I am very thankful for this for I have seen many fabulous places in this wonderful country of ours. But with these trips were many long hours spent riding in the car. My mom put together a summer travel bag
for my brother and I every year to keep us entertained on the ride, and to help minimize the number of quarrels in the back seat.

I continue to spend many hours in the car. My husband's family lives in East Texas. We travel to visit them frequently, so I bring my bag filled with magazines, a book, and my knitting to keep me busy during the drive. I also travel to Waco every other weekend to drop off my girls with their mom to visit her in Austin. We frequently spend up to an hour waiting for her in the parking lot of Fazolli's. This wonderful bag helps to keep me from getting overly aggravated while waiting. Due to these drives and the advancement of technology, I have added books on CD to my bag. I have been able to listen to many, many books on these drives. The reader is like someone sitting in the passenger seat talking to me and keeping me awake on these tedious drives to and from Waco. I have also added my digital camera to the bag to catch any moments I might not want to miss out on remembering.

OK, so you are asking what is the quirk in that other than my rambling? Well I have realized due to this routine, I have now become obsessed with bags to carry my activities. I am constantly finding a new, cute bag to carry my things in. I have also acquired quite a collection of magazines and books. And I seem to be a frequent visitor to the books on CD shelves at the library.

Well maybe these really aren't quirks, but just something funny I choose to think/write about today.

What is sad is the change in technology these days for my children. We are planning to go on a family trip with my parents and brother in just over a week. My mom being the wonderful woman she is, offered to make bags for the girls. Unfortunately, since I didn't come into their lives early enough to deter them from an addiction of technology, and give them a love for simple things, the girls have made their own bags filled with the latest technology for children. I don't complain cause they really aren't terrible things. Mostly CD players, a few diggy pets, and a kids Ivideo player they got from their mom for Christmas. And these items will help to ward off backseat quarrels too, I just hope they don't get too caught up in playing with these items that they run down their batteries and expect me to replace them every couple of days. I don't plan to spend my money on batteries instead of film for my camera. I know you are thinking why not buy them rechargeable ones. Unfortunately my children are not know for remembering where they place items, so rechargeables get lost, and they are a lot more money to replace.

OK so I've rambled on so much now and have to keep getting up to attend to other important activities in the house, that I have forgotten where all I was going with this particular entry, so I will go for now.

So to anyone stopping in to read...God Bless!!!

Little Sleep, But Surprisingly Up-Beat

So it's been a bit busy around here. My younger child ended up getting the virus too. It developed the weekend after Haylee got it. Thankfully hers went just as fast causing her to miss only one day of school. Since then my husband and I have continued to have restless nights. We haven't had a good night's sleep in over 2 weeks now, due to one thing or another. We do think a good amount of the problem is the bed. We are in desperate need of a new one. My husband is trying to find a chiropractor he likes, and while doing this hopes that maybe s/he will suggest we need a new bed and make insurance pay for it. Neither one of us truly believes this will happen, but it is a wonderful idea. Like the title says, I've had little sleep, but I am surprisingly in an up-beat mood!

This week, I am not able to be very productive during the day. The water heater in our apartment is scheduled to be replaced. I'm not sure what day they will come, so I work to be prepared everyday. This doesn't allow me to wash dishes or clothes till after about 4pm. So I am enjoying my time reading, watching DVDs, and trying to finish my current knitting project. I am enjoying the chance to be lazy. I would love to also try and catch up on a little rest, but I'm not tired until time to head to pick the kids up from school. I think the sitting in the car for 30mins with the sun shinning in and reading is what does me in. I may need to start cracking a window and letting some of the cold air in.

Seems like I had something really profound to say today, but now that I'm typing I can't think of it. Oh well hope my post doesn't bore my readers to much then. That is if I even have any stopping in anymore.

So to anyone stopping in to read, God Bless!

Finally!

Finally! I'm getting started on this! To those who have viewed my profile and discovered I have yet to write a blog, I'm sorry! I hope everyone hasn't given up on me! I'm just not one to write about myself where everyone can read. I don't feel I may have anything profound to say, but that's one of my new year's resolutions. To gain more confidence in myself. My husband has helped me drastically in that area ever since we met. I would allow people to walk all over me, and he didn't like it. He wouldn't even allow me to let him tell me what to do. I am much better than I was 4 years ago, but could still use some work. I may be a stay at home mom who doesn't get to get out much, and who makes her kids and husband her world, but I can still be interesting. I made a few other resolutions but am doing a poor job with most. One is the one most have... exercise. I keep allowing other things to take more precedence, but end up having plenty of time to do it. I need someone to hold me accountable and not let me get away with it. Another is to read more. I have been working with that one better. Journaling is also on the list. Problem with that is I feel there is a proper way of doing that, and I don't know it so I get frustrated with what I write and don't get anywhere. Last is getting into a Bible study. I seriously need to make a specific time for that and do it, I just for some reason haven't. Since we moved I feel like I'm more busy than ever, but if I review my day I can find many times I was just lazy and plopped down on the computer or in front of the TV when I could have used that time more productively. That is another reason I need to work out more. I think it will help me to be less lazy and have more energy. OK enough for today. (Also if anyone does read this, I apologize for it being one huge paragraph. For some reason it's not allowing me to go to a new line on my own to make new paragraphs. Anyone know what will fix that?) So to anyone stopping in to read, God Bless!