I was brought a situation yesterday that just made me want to walk out and retire from everything.
I look forward to summer time each year. The thrill of planning projects and redoing the house. Some how I think each year this is the summer it will happen. I will only do what I want and be faced with nothing but good. But each year the same situation arises that halts it all in its tracks.
I know this is cryptic. I don't wish to put fully what is going on out for everyone to read. I don't know who all looks at this and don't want the wrong people to see something and twist my words. That is part of what is happening now. Words that aren't even mine are supposedly coming out of my mouth. I don't say much ever that could allow me to get into trouble. I like to keep things around me positive. But it seems no matter how hard I try, this is not what is happening. I had a very huge (for me) break down yesterday. Honestly I probably didn't have as huge as I thought, but the words coming out of my mouth, the feelings I was letting go that I didn't know I had were suddenly pouring out of me. It shocked me.
I am thankful a good friend dropped EVERYTHING as fast as she could and met up with me. Then sat with me for the next few hours helping me to relocate my drive and my hope and my confidence. She allowed me to say anything I wanted. She also brought up other subjects to get my mind on something else to brighten my spirits. I am still on rocky water, but feeling better. I stopped at Barnes and Noble and splurged $52 on only two books. I NEVER do this. I LOVE visiting Barnes and Noble, but usually reserve my book buying to some place with lower prices, sales, and coupons. But I think these books are much needed and are hard to find anywhere else.
With help from those I love pushing me forward and the constant strength my husband provides, I am still going to do what I plan. I just have to know it really isn't impossible to go on. May be hard, but not impossible!