It's a Special 2yr Anniversary for Me!

Today is a very special day. Two years ago it was the first of a string of the scariest days of my life. But now I celebrate it for all that it means and for all the fabulous things that have happened since that day. So much has happened in two years that I still can't believe that's all it has been. And if it wasn't for this day two years ago it may not have all happened and all the wonderful things to come may not have happened either.So in honor of today here is my blog post talking about it from July 6, 2007

*I figure if I don't keep people updated on this, I may end up with my butt kicked.

If you read my last blog, some of this will be a little bit of a repeat, so I apologize.

As I mentioned before, in one of my physical therapy appointments, one of the therapists, saw the reaction of my eye, and suggested an inner ear problem. She sent me on to an ENT. I saw him for the first time 2 weeks ago. The reactions I had to the various tests he performed did not lead him to feeling it was an inner ear problem, but more likely neurological (brain) problem. So he ordered an MRI/MRA (the MRA is where they stop the MRI for a bit and give me a shot of dye. The dye shows them possible abnormalities (I think that's the word I'm looking for)). He also ordered a hearing test to just double check things.
I had the MRI done last week, and the ear test and got the MRI results yesterday. The hearing test is normal! So when I tell everyone to turn it down, or say what when I don't hear, I'm not having problems.
The results from the MRI were not quite as happy.
My eye problem is neurological. Wow even typing how to inform people of this is hard. How do I make it easy on you? Guess I take my doc's approach. Get it out. I have a benign tumor on the left of my Cerebellum. The key word there to be thankful for is benign-non cancerous!!! It also is thankfully a moderate size. Where it is located, it is putting pressure on an area that controls skills of my left side. This explains my problems with my left eye moving, and why I have become clumsy in the past few years, stumbling towards my left side, and so on. Some tests of my skills were quite comical. I can't describe them all, but there is no way I could pass a sobriety test hehe. It is not currently possible for me to walk heal to toe without stumbling or even falling.
Anyway, my ENT got me referred and into a neurosurgeon yesterday. Thankfully the ENT's assistant was right. He really is one of the best.
Ok, now a little bit of a description on the tumor: Best way to describe it is like my mom said, it's a "birth defect" that often doesn't show up till later in life. When my brain was developing as I was a fetus, some of the blood vessels got twisted. These vessels have now created a mass that is putting pressure on my brain.
This mass is going to have to be removed. They don't think much blood is flowing through it right now since I have no signs of past bleeding out. But if it is not removed it could do this and cause me more problems down the road.
The doctor thankfully doesn't want to put it off. Not due to any life threats, but so I don't sit worrying for a long time. For this I am thankful. I've never had surgery before. But heck why not take it like everything else and make my first time a big one.
So the surgery is going to be in about 2 weeks. I have to have some other tests done first. I will have anagiagram to make sure there isn't much blood currently flowing through the mass. And I will have another MRI done. The other one wasn't clear enough for him to use to make out his plan on performing the surgery.
The surgery is going to take approximately 6 hours. This is not due to how long it will take him to cut it out, but how long it will take to cut and to use all the various machines for them to see. One will help him with seeing exactly where he is going, better than just using a scope. And after they have removed it, they will place me in another MRI to make sure they get it all, so they don't have to perform another surgery down the road. The MRI will take a while because they will not close me up when they put me in, so they will have to cover the area and keep it all sterile.
How they will get to the mass: The location of it will have them going through my Cerebellum to get to it. They will be able to go through folds though causing very little damage to brain tissue.
Like all surgeries, there is some threat on your life, but it is a small threat even though they are operating on my brain. The worst possible results would be some damage that causes my current symptoms to be worse. The removal of the tumor out weighs the leaving of it greatly.
So what I need from my readers: Not a bunch of sympathy and pity. This is all still quite shocking to me. Yesterday was very emotional for me and my husband . (I went to the ENT on my own thinking results would be good. So my husband was quite upset to have not been with me. He did come home and was with me at the neurosurgeon). I want to try and continue things right now normally. Much to my husbands protests, I sent him on to work today. I actually wanted to be at the gym right now, but felt the need to get this all down. I will tell you, this news truly does change how you look at the world and life. This is why I want to proceed normally. This change on how I look at things is a bit disturbing. I didn't appreciate my life as much as I should, and I want to do that now. And I want to do that by doing my normal stuff. So please don't send comments. Especially ones that say: Oh my gosh Toby, I'm so sorry!
I would merely appreciate prayers and to know (without you having to say) that I can call on you if I need some help taking care of my family during and after the surgery. If all goes well I will only be in the hospital 4 to 5 days. Only is his word. For having never been in a hospital more than a few hours, 4 or 5 days is forever to me.
So that's it. Please don't pity or worry. I truly feel God will take care of me and do what He feels is best for me. If you have questions, feel free to ask. It may be one I don't know and need to ask myself.
Love and Blessings to you all!!

P.S. To those who talk to my brother: please don't bombard him about this either. I prefer him to be allowed to talk about it with who he chooses to. He has his own stuff going on, and I don't want him sitting thinking about all of this any more than he has to. Please, please, PLEASE respect this request!!! If you HAVE to choose only one to respect, make it this one!!*

Today 7/5/09: My advice to you. Be thankful for each day you have even the scary ones. That day really is the beginning of the rest of your life!This changed how I look at everything around me and I truly worry less and am more thankful for each day and all that is around me!God Bless you all as he has me!

Long and Short all at Once

That's the way I feel about summer right now. With how extremely hot it is so early this year it feels long. With my kids here and at their mom's and figuring out where they will be when it feels long. With my husband working to find an honest job (I say honest 'cause he has almost and then has taken two different ones where they were doing wrong to their customers) it feels long. With me trying to get my foot in the door to a career I want it feels long.

But then there are the want to do's that make it seem so short. I want to work on sewing projects (haven't gotten farther than half cutting out that dress). I want to get out all the yarn I have bought (and with some super sales lately that pile has grown again) and finally learn to really knit and crochet. I want to spend time with friends. I have gotten to do some of that. I want to be able to just sit back and read all day. I am happy to say I am half way through my 3rd book this summer. I wish that number was larger, but I have picked some that are thicker than others and that just are a little slower read (no less interesting though). My brother's girlfriend is my inspiration. Last summer I believe the total was 25 books she read. At Father's day she was half a book up on me. I haven't gotten the recent tally but I'm sure she 's quite farther than me now.

What I've read this summer:

This one is a Christian novel and has two more in the series I am looking forward to starting shortly.

Make sure you have Kleenex handy for this one. You can pretty much figure out what the ending is, but it still gets you. Also the author mentions some major life events that happen to her that will get you too. I want to read Marley and Me also, but since I've seen the movie I think I will for-go reading the ending on that one.

And this one is making me want to learn knitting even more, but they do warn you of it. There is a follow up to this one and at least one more novel by this author that I hope to read.

Soon I will read the Twilight books. I have had the first one for a while now, but decided to hold off reading it till after the movie since often I don't like the movie if I've read the book first. I picked up the second one a couple nights ago so I could get it before the price went up on it as it gets closer to that movie coming out. Main thing I need to do is quit going to the library. I have so many books at home I want to read, but then I drop in there to let Holly check out or pick up pharmacy books or a book on CD and always have my attention caught by another bright cover and end up checking out a pile of books for myself. It's an addiction!

OK, off to read while I do chores at the same time.

A Getaway Right at Home

Lately I have gone back to being lazy with eating healthy and pretty much nonexistent with my workouts. With it being summer I use the family as an excuse. I haven't pushed to get them eating a little better and I haven't been working to set an example. I just fall right into their junk eating or greasy eating out food. And with everyone home and nothing pressing for us to do we have fallen out of any kind of schedule. Every time I set my alarm for early to get up and get back into my routine it doesn't work. When that buzzing starts the hubby rolls over and decides to snuggle. And I'm sorry, but that's hard to resist! So back to sleep we go. Then it's super late when we get up and eat breakfast throwing all meals till late and that just keeps us going late into the night. Then with Holly home she is instant on enjoying summer and staying up late watching TV. Eventually I get tired of the arguments and pouting so I just give in and let her stay up. BAD MAMA!
But yesterday things happened that I have decided need to put a stop to all of it. First was me. I was extremely irritable all day and it is not even near that time of month. Then the other two started having stomach problems. I think a lot of it was probably something they ate at lunch. But Larry has IBS and I think Holly has it some too so I think the problems were magnified by not being on any kind of schedule.
So this morning I got up when the alarm went off (I did wake up 3 minutes before it should go off and decided that my original thought with an hour later was a better time for starting back into my routine. We'll save the extra early for after I've gotten back into it good). Got dressed and decided instead of getting on the exercise bike in my room I would go ahead and go for a walk since it wasn't too hot yet and Larry actually didn't stir when the alarm went off this time. Normally my working out has been during the school year. It's not hard to get going working out since I already have had to be up getting Holly ready for school. So I really haven't gotten out and walked on a Summer morning.
But I will more now!!! It's a complete tiny vacation!!! With everyone around it's hard to get away and with Holly and Larry having similar personalities I will admit some days they are a bit overwhelming at times. This morning I walked out the door leaving them behind. I did my stretches, put in my headphones and for the next 30 minutes the ONLY thing I thought about was looking for cars and saying good morning to another walker or someone working in their yard that I passed. I enjoyed MY music with no interruptions. Soooo fabulous. I want to work on my bike too, but at home everyone can interrupt. With my leaving no one does. Then I come home and am happy and refreshed for my family.
Yay for my new found daily vacation!!!
And coming soon my tag from Charisse.

A Weekend Recap Before it's Even Over

So we are closing in on the end of Saturday and tomorrow is mostly planned out, so I thought I would go ahead and write about this weekend.

I will jump all the way back to Wednesday to better explain how things went for the weekend.

Larry dropped in to visit the girls while in Austin like I mentioned. While there, Holly decided she could no longer bare being away and came home with him. I love the fact she missed us and home so much she was willing to come home and be an only child again until her sister comes in a week or two (she stayed to spend all the time she could with her friends before her mom moves). But it does throw a kink in plans. I take advantage of the girls being gone and try to plan adult/friend time while they are gone. No sitter needed or no short trips/visits due to them being home alone. So I had planned for Friday to meet up with an old friend I found on Facebook whom I haven't seen in over 15 years! My parents had plans too so I could ask them to spend part of the day with her and there was no way I was cancelling our visit, so I planned out how to take her and be able to talk without worrying about what Holly would hear. Thankfully I thought of a cousin to call who was super gracious and took her for the afternoon/early evening. Heck, they turned it into a sleep over.

So all turned out great. Holly had fun with her young cousins and I had a wonderful time catching up with a good friend I had thought I had lost due to distance. Isn't the internet wonderful?!

I then had a fun loooooong phone chat with Lori. Her hubby was treated to a much deserved night out with friends (the fun start to his first Father's Day!), so she stayed home with baby and we had a fun evening on the phone after he went to bed. A good night of lots of talking with two fabulous people!

Today I braved the grocery store and FINALLY stocked back up on food. I normally do my shopping weekday mornings, but I had some needs and didn't feel like making a ton of trips to the store this week. This evening we had a great family dinner. And I am finishing baking cookies for my dad for Father's Day (I'm pretty sure he doesn't read this. If you do, Dad, you didn't read that part!)

We celebrated Father's Day for Larry on Thursday. We tied it in with his last day before returning to working at a job near home...YAY! So we took him to Old Navy to take advantage of their half off guy's clothes sale and to buy work shirts and some regular clothes for him. We then went to one of our favorite places, the Movie Tavern, for dinner with a movie. A super fun day for very little money!

So tomorrow I will obviously be dropping in on my dad and I think Larry is going to head out to East TX to visit his for a few and to pick up the last of his stuff that is still out there from working with his brother. I want to go with him, but I got a bit lazy today at times so most of the day tomorrow will be spent doing major cleaning and getting ready for Lucas to spend Monday with us! Love me some Lucas time!!!

That's it for the early recap hope it didn't ramble off and get too confusing. It is about bedtime I just realized.

I am a Girl Who

obviously lives for the pressure.
I have the house to myself for a short time and here I sit. The girls are still at their mom's for part of summer and Larry left yesterday for Austin. He went to work on the AC in his brother's rental house they are about to sell. He is finished and is just enjoying a little time trying to find some old buddies he grew up with and making a stop in to visit with the girls. There mom lives just North of Austin...for about another week. Then they will be living about 40 miles from us. NO MORE DRIVES TO WACO WOOWOO!!! That just cut off 400 miles a month on my Jeep!
Anyway my point. I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF DO ANYTHING! Well I did unload and reload the few dishes I had for the dishwasher, clean out the fridge, straighten and cleanup all the kitchen counters except my connection counter (a.k.a. paper catcher and junk holder), dropped an important letter off at the post office (but didn't think to get a quick package ready to be mailed too), and picked up some study books that had come in I reserved at the library. That's a little bit of a list, but nothing that took long. I am waiting for the guy who is rebuilding our fallen mailbox to get here, but he is having truck trouble so who knows when he will arrive (I definitely could have done my workout this morning and gotten my shower in before he showed even though I slept 30 minutes passed what I planned).
So I should be doing things. I have a couple more chores to do, but they aren't pressing and will take no time. I have a book due at the library next week that there is a long reserve list for so there is no way I can renew my checkout. I have my simple summer dress that got put on hold I wanted to sew, Holly's summer bag that needs a strap repaired, some embroidery I would like to start since I haven't done any of that since I was a kid, some cross stitch I would like to work on, and new yarn I bought last week that I would love to use (got to really get to learning better how to knit), some studying to do, a little paper work to get done, and a number of things I need to take back to a few various stores. Oh and I need to touch up my paint on my toe nails. But only a little of that actually has a dead line, but it's not pressing that much till later in the day and most of the rest has none. So without pressure today, I just can't get myself to get up and get to anything. Once I get started on something it will all just start to flow and get going, but it's that getting started. I just have absolutely no motivation today....grr.
Enough griping about it, no one probably wants to even read it. I think I'll pretend Larry will be home soon and go get to work on some of it. Just wanted something else to do with drinking my Cherry DP from Sonic (oh yeah, stopped there to get that and an order of mozzarella sticks for my craving/early lunch. healthy?) other than that list.

You know you're getting old when...

Going to a water park for the day does not fill you with pure excitement but also worry.
My nephew, Craig, has been visiting us since Tuesday. In honor of his first time to stay with us alone, Larry and I took him to Six Flags Hurricane Harbor. When I was a kid preparing for it meant putting your swimsuit on. Now preparing takes much more!
First was finding towels for everyone and enough sunblock to last 3 people all day (I am proud to report that we were there for over 6 hours and no one has a sunburn!). Also making sure there is enough money to cover needing a drink or snack and locker rental, but not letting anyone know you brought very much so they don't go begging for the $13 souvenir cup or the $8 hot dog!
Then there are the worries for myself.
Where will I put the locker key to keep it safe? They thought of that for me. They have now switched to the coolest invention. They put on your wrist one of those plastic hospital type bracelets you have to cut off. It has a water proof chip, or whatever it should be called, to where you hold it up to a sensor that programs it to a specific locker that opens each time you put the bracelet up to it. Genius!
Next worry for me is being able to see. I wear glasses and have not gotten myself up to the idea of wearing contacts. (Due to past problems as a kid, the idea of putting something in my eye creeps me out.) Thankfully this last time at the eye doctor my prescriptions didn't change, so instead of paying for 3 lense changes for all the types of glasses I have to wear (it is not a fashion thing I have to wear different prescriptions for different things) I got to buy a new more fashionable pair of sunglasses. So I had an extra pair of prescription sunglasses that I can wear for these kinds of outings that I won't have a heart attack over if I loose. Just put a strap on and I'm good to go.
I also can no longer tolerate running barefooted over the hot rough sidewalks. So I don't care how silly I look in my non swimsuit matching crocs. My feet are still happy with me today.
There is also the thought of wearing a swimsuit that lets me get a little sun, but covers up enough of what I don't want showing anymore. And balancing not looking too old but not trying to look younger than I should either.
Sheesh a lot goes into it! Not to mention the making sure of not leaving the tickets you bought and printed over the computer at home.
I am happy to say it ended up a fun day! We went on the perfect day. It rained all day the day before so most people didn't come for fear of cold water. It was a bit colder than normal, but the sun was out and hot so it took no time to get use to and we were not loosing each other in the crowds or getting shoved around or ran over in the lazy river. We were able to really play and have fun. We hope to take the girls soon, so I guess I will look for going again the day after a big rainstorm (if we get that lucky again).

Starting back up slowly

So I think I've caught up on reading all the blogs I follow and am ready to be steady at my reading and posting, and then life happens! I get busy and blogging just has to be put aside.

Many things have happened, some good, some bad, and some just plain crazy. I won't post on most of it though because it's all still happening. Just please lift us up in pray for guidance and SANITY!!

I keep meaning to post the pictures of Holly's purse, so here they are.

I personally am very impressed. She thought of the shape herself and cut it out all on her own. No pattern used. She then chose to hand sew it. So it won't hold up to much use, but she did load it with change one day and used it to do some shopping at the dollar store. It actually held up to that impressively well.

Ok, for now that will be all. I'll keep it short and work to at least post a something more often.

P.S. say a pray for us also because Larry and I both have job interviews tomorrow. Larry's had a bunch of them recently. Nothing has come out of them so far that will work for us, but tomorrow's sounds promising.

Mine is with a company I previously worked for. I'm not really wanting to get back into that field of work, but for now work is work. And I'm trying to find the benifits in it if I do go back. The drive is not great, 20 miles, but again you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. Ok, that's all I want to write on that for now.