Memories of Blake Part 1 *Updated*

The past day has been rough. I have gone back and forth with mourning my friend and with being in denial. He is buried here in FTW next to his brother. I plan to go visit him on Thursday, his birthday, in hopes of finding some peace and acceptance of all this. I am not a person who normally handles cemeteries very well, but I think this time I need it.

My husband has been fabulous. He knows that Blake was a special and true friend. The kind that is so very rare to find. So he has been fabulous at trying his best to give me what I need. A shoulder to cry on, understanding with my feelings, and trying his best to make me feel better but not forcing it on me. I'm so thankful he is not a jealous person. This is the first person I was very close to who has died since we have known eachother.

To better help everyone understand what a special person he was and to share the many, many memories we shared, I will do many posts on them. I need to write these down for my own sake. But since I'm not good journaling, I thought I would use this to help get it all down. Forgive me if the posts jump around in years, but as I've made notes on remembering what I want to put down, something else will pop in my head. I always thought it was odd how I remembered so many odd details from our friendship, but now I understand. It's a gift from God to help me though this time. Unfortunately these memories will stop at 5 years ago. Out of respect for my marriage and probably realization of the demands of being a wife and mother, Blake lessened our amount of contact. And with the demands of it all and never dreaming of anything like this, I put our friendship on hold too. I regret it and advise everyone to NEVER do something like that.

On to the memories:
Blake and I first met in first grade. As always, he was the super tall kid. He had a tendency to pull my pigtails when he walked by me. Well not "pull", but handle in one way or another. I did not have my first haircut till after 2nd grade, so obviously I had long hair at the time that was blond. And my mom always put it up. Often in braids or dog ear pony tails. Blake wasn't the only one who did it. And with so many doing it, I was constantly calling out to the teacher. I have always, always been a person who needs her personal space.

For Halloween at our school, we were not allowed to wear costumes. But we were allowed to wear face paint. I can't remember what my face was done up as, but I can remember his and his mom's. Some of the mom's took turns volunteering with listening to the kids read to them. Both of our mom's helped with this (my mom has many found memories of Blake too), and this was his mom's day again, so she joined in the festivities of face painting. I remember they had their whole face painted (I only had some small things on mine like hearts or something) in metallic colors. His was green and hers was gold. I was so fascinated with the colors, how fancy they were, and how perfectly done it was.

Ok, that's all for now. I have one more memory from 1st grade I want to share, but it includes a photo I would like to try and scan in before I post on it. My scanner isn't working, so I don't know if I will get it done soon or if I will just have to save it and do a post of pictures. These couple of memories don't really touch on what a great person he was, but they are some fun ones I've kept tucked way.

Thank you to those who have sent messages and for all the prayers. I know I haven't sat and prayed much myself yet. But like I said, I'm still facing a lot of denial. I know that God is next to me now, and He is who is giving me my strength.

If you can learn one thing from this, please let it be to never put a friendship aside for a more convenient time. I read and receive those forwards that say don't wait to tell someone how precious they are. I've always believed them, but never followed what they say the way I should. Now I truly know what it feels like when the chance is gone. I do believe that God has passed the message on to him that he was a special person to me, but I wish I could have done it while he was still here.

God Bless you, and keep you. And rely on Him no matter what you are going through.

*Update* Blake's family got my message today and contacted me immediately. For which I am very thankful. They were very upset for me for finding out about his passing in such an impersonal way. That is something that is in no way anyone but mine's fault. I am the one whoh allowed us to loose touch over the recent years. They said they had planned to have him placed next to his brother, but that was not able to happen. Instead he was placed in Bryan next to his grandfather who passed away this last February. I don't know that I will be able to, but my plan is to go to his gravesight this Sunday and then stop to visit with his family for a while. Please send out a prayer that I in no way reverse their healing process. Again I do not want to in any way bring more pain to his family. They are absolutely wonderful people who have suffered more than their fair share.

In Memory of Blake

Blake F. Williams was one of my dearest friends. And I am devastated to find out that I now have to use the term was.

I had lost contact with him a little under a year after I got married. I have been putting in searches for him off and on for the past few years. I tried again today while thinking about his birthday coming around the corner. I was lead to this link today.

I am more than heart broken to find out he passed away less than 6 months ago. Did he know how very, very special he was to me? Next to my husband and dad, he is/was the most special and influential male in my life. The memories I have. And that's what is breaking me, all I have is memories now. They are MANY but will never be enough. I will never again get to see/talk to my friend here on earth. I will miss those hugs. Those ones where my face is in a stomach because he was sooooo tall.

What hurts even more is I do not know what happened. I am trying to get in contact with his family to find out, but I hate to bring more pain with my questions.

Blake, I know you are truly where you deserve to be in Heaven, but earth is a much darker place without your smile and wonderful heart. I look forward to seeing you again, but until then, my heart is not quite whole without you. I love you very much and will NEVER forget you.

Trick-or-Veg

Sorry no Halloween pictures to share this year. Since Halloween fell on a Friday for the first time in a loooooong time, Holly went to spend the holiday with her mom.

Larry had gotten free tickets from one of his vendors for us to go to the Craftsman's Truck races at the Texas Motor Speedway. We had been looking forward to going for a few weeks. But when Larry got home, we were tempted to go a different rout with our plans. Larry was planning on leaving late that night or this morning to go to East Texas for opening weekend for hunting, cutting our first weekend alone in a while very short. This disappointed us both, but we both want to make sure he gets his money's worth out of his hunting license and his gear. So instead we spent the evening going out to dinner at IHOP (we had the T.V. on while we were making up our minds to go to the races or not and an advertisement came on for there). We had the restaurant almost completely to ourselves. I think there were at most 5 other tables of people. We then went to Walmart to see about buying a movie to watch but ended up renting a couple from Redbox. So we went home and vegged out and just spent some nice time together. I enjoyed getting a whole evening talking with him with minimal interruptions.

Well Larry just left and I'm off to spend some time with a friend I haven't seen in a while and then home to do laundry, and sew for a while. And go to sleep watching chic flicks with no one sighing over how ridiculous they are. :)

Hope everyone enjoys the first day of November (can you believe it's practically hot outside?!).

Flying Saucer

is where I went last night. I very rarely go out anymore much less go out on a week night. But last night I enjoyed a night out with my brother and some of his friends. A couple I knew and a few more I didn't. But I greatly enjoyed myself.

I had been planning to go last night with him for a while. The Wednesday before a holiday they always sell a special glass. (The Flying Saucer is a popular hang out in downtown Ft. Worth that sells hundreds of different beers.) Unfortunately the one being sold this time wasn't very "Halloweeny". I was disappointed since this was my first time to get to go for a holiday glass. My brother has quite a collection that I have admired. Oh well, maybe I'll get to go with him for Thanksgiving.

I'm not much of a beer person, so I had two glasses of the same drink that tastes more like an apple soda than a beer. I learned though that they have the U.F.O. club which my brother is a member of. You join and it keeps track of the various beers you try by printing out tickets you give to your waiter/waitress. After you have tried 200, you get your own gold saucer with your name and a quote added to the wall. You can only log 3 different ones a night. My brother is around 95 I think. A lot in my thoughts, but he's been at it for quite a while and doesn't go there too often, so it's actually a fairly slow process.

So I enjoyed my two drinks, a chicken caesar wrap (which is what I ate when Kristi and I went on our girls' night out. SO GOOD!), and a Dr. Pepper. I was the first to leave at 7:30, but I don't think anyone else stayed much longer either. Just a nice evening out for everyone.

My brother was super nice and paid for all my stuff as a birthday gift. Thank you!! I really don't do enough with him anymore. I need to change that and make it more of a priority.

EXCITEMENT!!

EXCITING things have happened since I posted this morning.

First, I just got a message sent from an old friend from high school on here. My friend Tiffany whom I haven't gotten to see since my surgery when she came to visit me in the hospital (thank you again) popped up with a hi and a link to excitement of her own. Go here to see her beautiful baby boy!! I expect to be getting in touch with her in person REALLY SOON to meet her fabulous baby but also and most excitingly to get to see a dear friend I have lost contact with over the years and have missed and thought about OFTEN!!

Second, I just got a call from Dr. Chang's nurse. She said the doctor said my spot is nothing to be concerned about. I asked if it had been there after the surgery. She couldn't say. I'm sure he just told her to let me know it wasn't a concern, but he would check on it again when I have my MRI next year (something that I'm sure will be a standard yearly check up for me now especially with that little spot). He didn't sound worried at my appointment, but wanted to be sure. That's why this guy is so awesome. He's very calming and very thuro (sp?)!! SO NO WORRIES!!! YEA!!!!!!!

I'm growing up...maybe

Well I was going to do good and get back to walking steady in the mornings again starting today, but it's too cold!! My darn ankles could in no way handle it.

So Thursday was my 29th birthday. I'm still trying to process I'm already in my last year of my 20's. It seems to be going to so fast. I was watching a show last week (won't tell what one. it's one of the 2 trashy reality shows I watch) and one of the characters was commenting on how she was 29, looked great, and was going to fulfill some of her dreams no matter what people think. And I was watching thinking I'm 29 tomorrow and I don't feel anywhere near as adult as she looks and acts. Don't get me wrong, in many ways I act more like an adult than she does on the show. I just look at her and how she gussies herself up and I just don't feel like the woman she shows. I think that's what will help to keep me young for many more years to come.

I'm pleased with how I was this year about my birthday. I often build it up in anticipation of something fabulous happening just to be disappointed. I love having my birthday during this time of year, but alas it is the start to the real business of all the holidays, so it's not something that can easily be celebrated. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed MANY of my birthdays, I just have a wild imagination and will create something huge happening that day. This year I seemed to have finally grown up and not done that. Actually for the most part I forgot all about it. Normally I announce to friends and family how close it is starting at a month till just like a little kid. This year I expected nothing really. And this made it all the better. I gave myself a few treats. I did no chores that day. I went to Joann's to pick and purchase fabric to make this quilt. It will be my first. I am super excited about it and am VERY pleased with the fabrics I chose. I'm normally displeased with things I make due to thinking it just doesn't look as good as other people's due to my choices. But I think I finally got it right. Now to just continue to feel that way when I make it. I also made my cake while everyone was gone so I could have all the licking to myself. *hehe* That evening went with Larry and Holly to pick up some more things they needed for this last weekend to go hunting (it was youth weekend. actual hunting season starts this coming weekend), and then we had a nice dinner at Olive Garden. I'm not one who likes big amounts of attention on me, so I wasn't quite so fond of how Larry had them sing to me. Him and Holly greatly enjoyed my reaction of a big "NOOO" and my facial expressions through it.

Like I mentioned, Larry and Holly went hunting this last weekend. They went with my bro-in-law and nephew. Larry already had a camo hat I had knitted him last winter, but he asked me to make ones for the other 3. I was so busy that I couldn't get to them till late in the week. I got Holly's made, but her head is bigger than I thought so I had to undo it and make it larger. I got her's done on the drive to East TX on Friday and got one more made that night, but i couldn't stay awake long enough to get the third done. I felt bad, but I also had a blister on one of my fingers from rushing to get them done. I got the 3rd done while they were hunting so it would be ready the next morning for them. Unfortunately I didn't get to get a picture of them.

Our main reason for going this weekend was to visit Larry's grandmother. She is 84 and has been super healthy until just recently. She has a bleeding ulcer in her stomach that put her in the hospital for 2 weeks. She is out and well enough for visitors now. So even though it was the weekend of my 10 year high school reunion, I felt it was more important to get out there and see her. I lost my last grandparent in 2001, and this is Larry's last. And since I met her, she has become VERY dear to me.

Yesterday Larry and I had our appointments with my neurosurgeon to go over our MRIs. Larry is being seen due to severe migraines. Doc said his looked good, so he is being sent on to a specialist who does headache management. Mine is my one year follow up (little late due to problems with changed information). Mine showed a spot that was highlighted by the contrast. So I have to run back out there to take him my films from my old MRIs so he can compair and see if it was something already there that he doesn't feel needs to be worried about, or if it's something new we need to keep an eye on. So unfortunately I'll have to make the long drive to Plano again to drop off, but Larry will pick them up one day when he sees his new doctor. And then I don't do anything else until time for another MRI next year.

Also, yesterday I got in the mood a little early. The Christmas mood that is. Did you know it's only 9 weeks from this last Thursday? Yep 9 weeks from my b-day exactly. Normally this stresses me out. But this year I've FINALLY gotten started early on my shopping. No more just saying it. Hopefully I can keep it up and be done by the first week of Dec. That's my goal anyway. Or maybe a better one is not be rushing around at the last minute for everything. I have been planning what to get most people already so even if I can't get it all early I'll know what to get and that takes a LOT of stress away. Anyway what got me in the mood: I had to run to Walmart last night due to forgetting to get bread when I got a few groceries earlier in the day. While I was there I decided to stop in the book and magazine section. As I was coming up on it, I noticed the display of Christmas novels. I love reading those. They are generally just sweet stories that put me in a happy and relaxed mood. So now I have the itch to start reading them. I'm going to make myself wait till after Halloween at least though.

Well that's long enough for now. Time to start getting ready to make my drop off. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to work on my projects soon and I can take some pictures of all of my finished work.

On the side

Check out the new link on the side to Snapdragon. It's my good friend Christy of....many years. Since 6th grade. I have had every intention of sending her a letter in snail mail since she moved to Japan almost a year ago, but alas I'm awful at sitting down and doing it. I am aiming for a Christmas card this year though. So hopefully soon Christy. I am soooo excited she found me on here! I am much better keeping up on these things.
So just to let you know, Christy, I haven't written, but do miss you terribly and think of you often. So glad to have this blog addiction to keep us connected now.